.....So it has been almost a year since I have posted anything onto this blog.  I have had a few requests from old friends asking me to please give them an update on how I am doing. SILENCE is my way of crawling into the dark hiding places of my soul and psyche so that I can "lick my wounds,"-- so to speak.  I don't like to share "bad, sad, or depressing news."  For the most part.....people don't like to hear the "bad, sad, or depressing news" either.

In a nutshell this has been an extremely difficult year for me and my little family.  I and my family have unfortunately been on the receiving end of a lot of criticism, the subject of a great deal of gossip and backbiting.  And we have experienced: sorrow, grief, anger and disappointment at the hands of family members, priesthood leaders and community members. I didn't feel very safe in sharing my burden, and it seemed that when ever I tried, things would get worse and I would find that my burden became heavier.  In addition I have been "running so fast" that I have not had time to reflect on everything that has gone on, but when I do, I become upset, and so the cycle of repressing continues.

The silver lining, and yes, there is one.  My trials and heartaches have flushed out individuals who ARE  pure in heart. (Most if not all have NOT been members of my faith.) They have taught me how to read people's motives and intentions.  They have taught me how to better comfort and aid the weary, give  help and support to the sick and afflicted, and how to succor the poor and down trodden. I only hope that I may live worthily to honor these important life lessons, not to count them for naught, but to put them into practice from this day forward.

My confession; I still have not mastered the willingness to cast my burdens at the feet of my Savior and allow his peace to fill my wounded heart.  Once bitterness is planted into the heart it is difficult to uproot again.  I have come out on the other side, with my testimony intact...but I feel weakened. There is little oil in my lamp...which is my own fault and I hope to correct it. I am grateful to my Savior Jesus Christ: for his belief in me when I have little faith in myself, for his love for my family, and the little miracles he has given to show that love, (especially when others have turned their backs). Most of all, for his enduring patience with my bitter and cold heart; which has at times cried out in anger against him. When his ways were not my ways, and his thoughts were not my thoughts and I was unwilling to bend. I wish you all well this Holiday Season and promise to not be so guarded with the friends who seek after me. 

Love,

Hailey